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Kelso: Trump can’t tell difference between fake, unfavorable news


That 3,000-year-old hunk of statue that has been dug up by Egyptian and German archaeologists being promoted as a likeness of an ancient Pharaoh?

Sadly for science, it’s a phony replica of Donald Trump’s head, buried in a Cairo slum by the Trump team to give the Trumpster even more publicity than he already gets.

The piece will become part of a complete Trump artwork, and it’s estimated it will take a good six months to complete the project.

This is the current big thing in Egypt, by the way. When completed, the Trump statue will be placed on top of one of the pyramids. The purpose of this move? Egypt is hoping the Trump statue atop a pyramid will pump some life into a lagging tourism industry.

Egypt is on its third president in six years — neither Hosni Mubarak nor Mohammed Morsi left voluntarily — and the U.S. State Department has issued terrorist warnings about traveling in the country. So some folks are reluctant to travel there these days. Can you blame them?

So the thinking is that Trump on a pyramid might be just the thing to get vacationers to visit Egypt. The cost of the project? It’s $24 million, or, coincidentally, the number of Americans who will lose their health insurance when the Republicans knock off Obamacare. That’s a lot of money for a gigantic Trump doll, isn’t it? But the Burger King restaurant the Egyptian tourism executives plan to put right next door to the Trump display should help boost business, right?

OK, folks, you’ve just been reading some fake news.

Yes, a statue that experts initially thought was a likeness of the Pharaoh Ramses II really has been discovered recently in a dig in Cairo. (The country’s antiquities minister now thinks the statue is of a more recent ruler, Psamtek I.) But the alleged information that pumps up Trump and puts him on top of a pyramid was a bunch of stuff I just made up for funsies, OK? Trump calls this sort of thing fake news.

With one difference: Fake news is what Trump calls any news about him that’s the least bit unfavorable. That stuff never happened, he’ll tell you. The story about him giving a woman he’d never seen before a hickey? Fiction, Trump will tell you. Slow news day at The New York Times. You know how Trump is always whining about how the press never gives him an even shake? Any news story that comes with his name on it and says anything damaging about our new president gets him to drag out the fake news accusation.

Any of the bad doings you read about Trump published by the Fourth Estate sends Trump into a frenzy. He can’t deal with criticism.

So if, say, The New York Times or The Washington Post comes out with a real news article about some misdeed the president is being accused of, he breaks out with a case of the hives.

OK, the case of the hives is fake news. I made the hives part up, too. Now, what he does is break out in a conniption.

It will be interesting to see what Trump does to try to quell the press from writing anything about him except goody two shoes stuff, since freedom of speech is not something the Trumpster is real partial to.

Although I doubt he would label the pyramid blurb I just wrote about him as fake news, since the idea of being stuck on top of a pyramid would certainly boost his ego.



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