In college, I swore I saw a ghost while driving around off Convict Hill Road with my friends one night. I also heard strange voices in the American-Statesman newsroom on Halloween night a few years back, working the graveyard shift. Aside from watching “Teen Wolf” reruns all weekend after having my wisdom teeth extracted, I have not seen any werewolves in Austin.
In an alternate universe’s Live Music Capital of the World, however, our lycanthropic neighbors are under attack. That world’s Mayor Steve Adler is ready to take a stand.
“Cities Move To Outlaw Hollow-Point Silver Bullets After Wave Of Gruesome Werewolf Slayings,” a headline from satirical website the Onion published Monday reads. Adler (again, and we can’t stress this enough, a fictional version of Adler) takes the spotlight in the article, championing a totally fake bill in order to stave off a “wave of gruesome werewolf slayings.” From the Onion:
“There is simply no place on our streets for ammunition with the destructive capability to blow off a werewolf’s entire head in one blast,” said Austin Mayor Steve Adler, who was moved to champion the bill after the brutal December slaying of beloved physical education teacher and nightwalking loup-garou Davis Johnstone.
Feel free to decide on your own whether this particular piece satire has any teeth.
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